Saturday, April 21


Sometimes I feel like I have, you know, like, two sides of my personality, the critical but boring one and the funny but procrastinating one and it's like I have to find a zone for the two to coexist and reach a new level of reflection and de-personalization so I can crucify my ego and realize that all this that surrounds me is not important, I want to find transcendence by critically looking into myself but I don't want to get caught in the little things and get absorbed by this, how can I live if everything is sacred and holy? I have to be careful of where I put my fucking foot when I walk because I may kill an ant! oh for fuck's sake I need to relax and think! reflect; everything is but a mere medium to achieve a higher conscience, I must find inner peace. Everyday. It's not a goal, but a never-ending process, I must endure. If there were no rewards to reap, I certainly would've walked away, quit this fucking never-ending-always-pushing reality. And it's like I have this inner voices, different voices, they don't speak of the same, they don't even speak in same languages and SOMETIMES it's like a whirlwind of thoughts, a train of thoughts, a stream of consciousness I can't stop, but I don't want it to stop! I should ride the wave and be thankful that I can fucking breathe! breathe in the air, I'm alive and maybe all this pain is nothing but an illusion, I should embrace this desire to feel eternal and loose myself within the experience, every experience I want to experience everything, that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger, I HAVE TO ride the spiral of my human divinity AND still be myself. But just sometimes.