I've read of people going through this states. The infamous story of Archimedes jumping out of the bath, screaming eureka to an astonished wife, I presume, and running around naked through Syracuse because he found out how to guess the amount of gold in some king's crown, THAT'S the crazy shit I'm talking about. I've had my interesting thoughts in the bath myself. Probably the fact that you're not thinking too much about what you're doing, you know, you bathe EVERY day, your brain probably gets into auto pilot and starts the "Taking a Shower Subroutine" or something.
I was at a friend's house. She was pretty sad because she had broken up with the love of her life, apparently, and, you know, I felt like I was in a soap opera or something --tears, drama, everything-is-going-to-be ok-like commentaries (from my sister who was there also, not from me). Me? I was silent. I didn't know what to say. Actually I wanted to say those hollow words too, I wanted to calm her because she made me feel sad also... or did I? I now realize I was trapped in an internal monologue, a thing I used to do. I still do it but not when I have people around, not friends or people I want to talk to anyway.
The thing is, I wanted to say something but was trapped in this limbo of words, cause I thought whatever I could have said would have been wrong or inappropriate or silly. But I FUCKING WANTED to say something. Anything. Just some comforting words... And then it "clicked". Now, I don't know exactly how or why but I had a realization. I COULD NOT SAY something. Anything. I actually did not have control over myself, I couldn't bring myself up to say at least SOMETHING to my sad friend! THAT'S when everything got weird.
I always had thought I had the power; I certainly in many occasions wanted to say something but didn't because of thinking it was stupid. Well what if it was stupid? It IS what I have to say and, well, you just can't go through life not saying things because someone might not like what you have to say, FUCK IT. It is my/your opinion and if I/you were wrong hopefully there'll be someone to call your bullshit.
I realize all this now. Back then I was just starting to sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods and well, my brain was starting to operate in different frequencies, different sates of consciousness I had never dreamed of. I actually FELT something going "click" in my head. Why was I such a pussy? I couldn't say something as easy as hey come on, calm down or something you know, it's not the end of the world!
...
Later that day I made some confessions. I was in a low point in my life and felt depressed... If I didn't had control over what the fuck I had to say, well, maybe, you know, I didn't had control over lots of other things! It was a really rare and bizarre experience. I didn't feel like myself. I was a stranger seeing myself doing this crazy shit just like an spectator. An innocent bystander.
I did some pretty fucked up things that day. I wasn't thinking clearly and started doing whatever occurred to me, whatever came to mind. It was liberating. I felt like I had been playing a Ned Fladers repressive moron censuring myself 24/7. FUCK THAT! I was constraining myself without reasons!
I actually felt inebriated, and with a sudden risky behaviour attitude. I started to walk with no particular destiny, I thought of were to go as I wandered. I ended going to the house of a friend somewhat near my house -didn't want to go there. I asked him for the phone and generally acted weird for about 15 minutes. Then I left and eventually got home. To top it of I even started calling friends like a drunk guy. I felt a little drunk alright, I felt dizzy. But it felt good to hear some familiar voices that actually care about me. The feeling of someone giving shit about you is very important and under appreciated. After a while I got a REALLY FUCKING TERRIBLE HEADACHE. It came and went for a while. The fascinating thing is that I believe it was psychosomatic. My brain was in distress, confused, like in a system crash. After the emo crash I came to a conclusion.
Either I was fucking insane an needed therapy, or something was happening to me, an alteration. At the time I really thought I was crazy.
Now I KNOW I AM crazy.
:D
I see the world in a different way, different of EVERY people I know. But who does see everything exactly as others? Isn't people subjective individuals going through subjective experiences? Damn right they are. Everybody is fucking crazy. In your daily life you've probably come across a lot of lunatics who made you think "ok, what fuck it's going through their brains." But everyone operates in their own particular ways. High or low and all the in-betweens and out-betweens. And well, that's the beauty of it, isn't it? If everyone looked at the same things and made the same conclusions, well, what a boring and stupid world. That's how I came to sense, realizing everyone is just as crazy as the next one, every mind sees things in ways I couldn't even begin to imagine, and that's cool. What are we but our peculiarities? :)
Certainly, seeing though your own bullshit is no small feat. I'm sure there are people who live their entire life without ever questioning their own bullshit. They are probably egocentric assholes.
Depersonalization, looking at your own self, losing the ego and seeing that you're just a clueless creature wandering through existence bumping with things as they get to you its one of the best experiences you can have. It's no easy task, but thanks to some mind altering friends, we have some tools to aid in the mission. But there is an ample array of methods to achieve this mind-click. You can stop whatever you're doing right now and simply sit stubbornly until you find out what I'm talking about. Literally, without moving or eating or anything, ala Siddhārtha.
You can shut down all exterior stimuli with one of these wonders*. You can try lucid dreaming, or meditating. It works if you get one of those really crazy high fevers. Or try don't sleeping at all for a week, or don't eat. You can can be blessed/cursed with a near death experience. There are even some cases were people get beamed just because, spontaneously, out of fucking nowhere. There are many more forms. Some involve ingesting truly mystic substances; this topic by far exceeds the scope of this post. But to summarize, there are some compounds out there that when you experiment with can get up to your brain and twist and move shit about and make you think things you normally don't. Read THIS to know more about about what I'm saying. Hear THIS if you haven't already gotten a grasp of what I'm talking about. That guy knows how to express himself, say something really cool and meaningful and be funny at the same time. Or read THIS previous post.
So it's really just a matter of getting out and doing it.
I've never tried DMT or any other super potent psychedelic substance, like LSD or magic mushrooms. But I'm planning on doing it and hopefully I'll write about my experiences here.
···UPDATE {tried LSD, post in progress}···
Have you experienced an altered state of consciousness? If no, what's stopping you?
...There are drugs that allow glimpses into this fascinating and mysterious experience; if you want to, fuck it, it's the most natural thing theres is, other earthlings get high, why shouldn't you?
Note: If you think you note different moods sometimes in some paragraphs, it might be that I added, besides the obvious one, small updates of style here and there 8 moths later ;)
*I was going to write a full post about this but Joe Rogan got ahead of me :/
